thank you, May
I made it through, that is enough.
May, overall
I welcome June with open arms and an open heart but I must admit May exhausted me. The above picture is how my spirit felt all May.
May asked a question of me - Are you really committed to yourself in the ways that you say you are?
The month started with an extreme high with a viral moment on Instagram and from there, the entire month was pace. I had my life flipped on its head within a matter of minutes & for a minute y’all, I felt like I wanted my three points to be taken away from me. I contemplated living and if I could even go on, but after crying in bed for two days uncontrollably, I realized that I had so much I want to do, experience and be. I was determined through the heaviness and chaos to still do the things, show up for myself and take up space. I refused to let the mess of it all, stop me from moving towards my dreams, desire and vision for my life.
May offered me a reminder: there are people betting on the fact you won’t choose yourself. They are hoping for it and counting on you to self-abandon so that they can get whatever it is they want out of you. Choose yourself. You deserve you.
If you have to self-abandon in order to be in relationship with someone, I can almost guarantee you that you don’t need to be in relationship with that person - family, friend, lover. Whoever they may be.
Take my foolish advice.
Read
The thing about whirlwind months with unexpected twists like you’ve never seen before is that you have less time for the things you set out to do. With that being said, I only read one book in May and I’m still reading it.
A House for Mr. Biswas by V.S. Naipaul
Although, I cannot give you a full review at this time, I can tell you this — I’m enjoying the read albeit, slowly. I picked this up at Paper Based Bookshop in Port of Spain, Trinidad & Tobago along with six other books of Caribbean authors which I suspect will keep me occupied over the next couple months especially as we are now in Read Caribbean Month.
One quote that stuck with me so far is:
“For Shama, and her sisters and women like them, ambition, if the word could be used was a series of negatives: not to be unmarried, not to be childless, not to be an undutiful daughter, sister, wife, mother, widow.”
Unlike Shama, her sisters and the women like them, I reject this type of ‘ambition’. Marriage, while it can be beautiful, is not something I am chasing. (here’s some of my lore: I’ve been engaged before), I am childfree by choice, I reject the role of the dutiful daughter and sister, if it means self-abandonment.
Watched
The Drama
This is Zendaya & Robert Pattinson’s newest movie where they play a happy couple about to get married until one confession changes everything. It asks the question ‘is love really unconditional?’ I actually used the plot twist/confession at dinners to get every one’s take on it and the way people felt was interesting. Can you guess on what side of the spectrum I landed?
The Man from Earth
I saw a clip of this sci-fi movie on TikTok and was intrigued so I gave it a watch. It’s completely dialogue-led which was a different way to develop the narrative, especially where ‘show, not tell’ is key in storytelling. It worked though. In this film, a departing professor puts forth the notion that he is 14,000 years old to his colleagues and they all ask questions based on their field of study to attempt to disprove his idea. Some interesting conversations ensue.
What I Got Up To
I love the diversity of experiences that life offers me and that’s what kept me afloat all May. Depression can’t hit a moving target or whatever.
(N.B. I am actively in therapy and had multiple sessions with my therapist, I didn’t stay down but I didn’t abandon tools, resources and support, either.)
Shopping in Trinidad
As you know I ended April in Tobago (click here for April’s round-up), in May, I hopped over to Trinidad. One of my favourite things about Trinidad is the accessibility in shopping Caribbean made, designed and owned brands. I had a time getting my hands on a few new additions to my closet from The Fashion Arch Gallery, 36 Cornelio, Loud by Afiya & Aya Styler. I can’t wait to show you these pieces!
I attended the Traditional Afrikan Women’s Organization (TAWO) Claudia Jones Enstoolment Ceremony where an award was given to Keomi Serrette.
When I woke up on my final Saturday in Trinidad, I had no idea I would be having this experience or engaging with this organization but life is dynamic and I am open to it. I made plans to meet up with a friend & she let me know she had been invited to this event, I was free to accompany her or I could meet up with her later.
Me? I’m down for almost anything so I went! I think this openness allows me to increase my surface area for luck and gives life space and room to surprise me.
This ceremony was absolutely beautiful and I found myself getting goosebumps and becoming emotional at the whole entire experience. I felt the impact and weight of how slavery has disconnected us as black people from our African heritage and traditions.
I also got to witness a Pierrot Grenade performance. (The Pierrot Grenade is a witty, scholarly jester from Trinidad and Tobago Carnival )
The icing on the cake of this was that the event was held in the Trinidad All Stars Pan Yard in Duke Street and I got to meet Dane Gulston, the pannist from Kes’ Tiny Desk.
Talk about a real cultural immersion?!
I got back home to Antigua & Barbuda and that was pace! I began the process of moving but I had a full month ahead of me. By the way, I’ve just moved into a new space and if you want to show me some support to make that process smoother, here’s the link to my Paypal or you can grab me a gift card on Amazon or any other online store.
CHTA’s Caribbean Travel Marketplace
For the second year in a row, I attended the Caribbean Travel Marketplace as it was being held in Antigua. For the vision that I have, I think it’s an important space for me to be in. Caribbean travel is important to me, the way we tell the stories of our region and how we prioritize who gets to tell those stories and experience this region matter and I’m in that space singing that song. This is another way, I show up with audacity for my life.
Antigua Barbuda Culinary Month
May was Culinary Month and I had three dining experiences - Dinner at Slates during Restaurant Week, Mamma Lolly’s Supper Club Popup & the Chef Collaboration Dinner: Caribbean Women Chefs at Hodges Bay Resort.
Of all three experiences, the Caribbean Women Chefs was the best one and I’ll lead with that. I tip my hats off to the amazing chefs who worked on this dinner, each course stood on its own but also felt like a cohesive part of the dining experience.
I have to give a special shoutout to Mr. Ed Mathurin of the Antigua Distillery for the exemplary service. Each course of this dinner had a rum pairing by English Harbour Rum, before we began, I shared with Ed that my date, my mentor and friend, Amina doesn’t drink. He personally made her mocktails that paired exceptionally with each course.
I have my critiques of the evening and all the other dinners that I could share in more depth. Let me know if I should write that piece, because your girl has thoughts. Lots of them!
I also got my hands on cookbooks by two of the chefs, Nina Compton & Keshia Sakarah!
Baby Sanctification
The beautiful couple behind Humble & Free Wadadli had a baby & they invited their community in to witness her sanctification (similar to a Christening or baby baptism). I am blessed to be apart of the village and I genuinely was excited to be in the space to engage with the culture and traditions of Rastafarians. I’m not a religious person but I do enjoy engaging with other people’s faith and also observing the similarities and differences across faiths.
Modeled for Footnotes
Redcliffe Quay is getting an injection of energy and activity through the QBG Collective and somehow, I was roped into modelling for a fashion show with Footnotes ( another place to shop Caribbean owned, made and designed!) for their Cultural Impact Through the Arts Fundraiser.
Barbuda for A Day
It’s Antigua and Barbuda but I can count on one hand how many times I’ve visited Barbuda and I know many Antiguans who’ve never been but Tropical Adventures has an offering in the summer where do they a day trip to Barbuda aboard their pleasure craft, Excellence. Every Friday for $190 USD, you get to visit Barbuda. I’m a big fan of exploring Antigua & Barbuda by sea so I highly recommend this one!
My grandpa is Barbudan so I really should visit our sister-isle more often.
Ate
I tried Trini Toolum, a traditional Trinidadian and Tobagonian sweet made from dark molasses, brown sugar, and freshly grated coconut which is a chewier version of a sugar cake but through my comments, I learnt we also have the same thing in Antigua & Barbuda called ‘dutty gyal’. I did not know this. Does this mean my passport is gettting revoked? Watch me try it here.
I love me a good mango and I like how many variations of mango exist out there. While in Trinidad, my friend Chan brought me a ‘cutlass’ mango from the South of Trinidad. I wonder how many variations I’ll get to try this summer wink wink
may’s Nails
People always ask how I come up with the designs for my nails. Some sets I find online and want to replicate wholesale, others Liz and I struggle to find anything we like so we take bits and pieces of multiple sets and make magic.
Melodies of the Month
more please
For June, I am calling in peace, genuine support and systems that allow me to live the expansive life I desire. May required me to take bold, decisive action as I navigated what truly felt like my world coming to an end.
Thank you for reflecting on May with me. It wasn’t easy but we made it
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Now i want to read that VS Naipaul book. As someone who knows you intimately, i must say I'm extremely proud of how you showed up for yourself despite the chaos of may. You're wonderful and there's so much beauty waiting for you!